So drunk its hurt
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
is it fun? or sober?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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