I'm so fucking centered right now
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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