Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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