Already got asked if we're dating
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
