great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
