Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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