i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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