you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Randomize
