I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
