I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
