No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
