Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
