dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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