Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
