dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
