The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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