so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
