I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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