I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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