Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
