the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
