If you die in college, do you die in real life?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
