What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
that may or may not have been my penis.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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