and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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