after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
