he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
