We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
