This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
