At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You ate ashes out of my bong
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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