So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
