Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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