You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
