He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
