We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
