Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
