your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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