i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
