Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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