I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize