I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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