i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize