It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
