So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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