the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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