If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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