after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
