Me. At least after what I've been through.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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