Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
