I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
