Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
