How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
