She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
