Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
