dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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