I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
