I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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