she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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