well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He felt like a one man threesome
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
