i'm signing you up for texting rehab
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
