He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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