Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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