I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
