That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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