I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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