I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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