you traded sex for a burrito?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
