My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
