I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
this is an emotional support booty call
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
