She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
