I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
