There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
