brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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