Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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