Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
