4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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