You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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